


Holy Awkward Situations, Batman

by orphan_account



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 03:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7875001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Dick Grayson (supposedly) didn’t know that Bruce Wayne was Batman, and one time he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holy Awkward Situations, Batman

**ONE.**                                                       

“I feel like the damsel in a movie. I hope we kiss at the end this time.” Dick Grayson says, seemingly unperturbed about the fact that he’d just narrowly escaped death. He’s humming the 007 theme as Batman swings them around Gotham.

Batman struggles not to tell the boy - no, man - off. _Don’t flirt with strange men wearing capes_ , he thinks irritably. _I raised you better than that._

Of course, he doesn’t say any of this out loud. For one, Dick doesn’t know that Batman is Bruce Wayne. And even if he did, he would probably argue that it was Alfred who’d raised him, and not Bruce.

It doesn’t make it any less awkward when, upon arrival to the balcony of his room on Wayne Manor, Dick loops his arms around his neck and kisses him for all he’s worth. There’s tongue, and Bruce, almost instinctively, returns the kiss for the three seconds it takes for his being to reject what’s happening.

Its too late by then. 

Dick gives him a flirtatious smile.

“My hero.”

Bruce, frankly, regrets the chain of events that led him to this moment, including his decision to fight crime in a bat costume.

 

* * *

**TWO.**

“He was nearly blown up, Alfred!”

Bruce paces the cave, swishing his cape whenever he switches direction. A few feet away, wearing a white suit and standing completely still, Alfred watches him. He’s carrying a tray with a still-steaming pot of tea and a small cup. Chamomile for calm.

“I’m not sure what to say to you, sir. It’s not Master Dick’s fault that Two-Face targeted him. If it makes you feel better, you can call it teenage rebellion.”

“Teanage -” Bruce sputtered, which looked ridiculous with the cowl. “He was nearly decapitated by Harvey Dent!”

“And Jason nearly decapitated Harvey Dent just last week. I think Master Dick’s indiscretions are much more manageable.”

Alfred has this talk with Bruce once a month, it seemed. Dick was a magnet for trouble, and careless on top of that. He was kidnapped or in grave danger far too often. Bruce couldn’t understand how it happened, since he’d taken many steps to ensure Dick didn’t get involved in their lifestyle.

Still, it seemed Dick encountered Gotham’s rogues more often than Batman himself did. Alfred knew for a fact that Dick got Christmas cards from both Ivy and Harley.

Batman wasn’t okay with this at all, despite the fact that lack of training aside, Dick handled himself well.

“He’s reckless! He needs to be more careful.”

Alfred busied himself with the tea, and let his silence tell Bruce exactly what he thought of him casting stones about recklessness and needing to be careful.

 

* * *

**THREE.**

Dick was the picture of a perfect, diligent student. A textbook lay open on the desk in front of him, and he was scrawling frantically in a notebook. His handwriting looked atrocious, but other than that there was nothing that indicated Dick was suffering any sort of trauma from Harvey Dent’s earlier kidnapping.

Bruce cleared his throat and waited to be acknowledged, taking the opportunity to glance around Dick’s room. He winced.

“Hey Bruce,” Dick greeted, and beckoned him inside.

Bruce felt a little uncomfortable, but stepped inside anyway, trying to ignore the amount of Batman-related paraphernalia around him. He grimaced when he noticed that Dick had Batman-themed carpet.

“Isn’t twenty three a little too old to want to be like Batman?” he asked mildly. He should nip this in the bud, before Dick decided imitation was the highest form of flattery.

Dick grinned. “Don’t be silly, Bruce. I don’t want to be Batman.”

An internal sigh of relief.

“I want to date him!”

Bruce tried to process it in his head. Not even The Joker had blindsided Bruce quite like this.

 

* * *

**FOUR.**

“Jay, Bruce is acting strange.”

Jason exhales, and watches the cigarette smoke drift upward. Dick was in his apartment, moping on the couch about Bruce. Must be a day that ended in Y.

Jason often wondered how it was that he was the one who got killed and brought back to life, and yet Dick still managed to have more daddy issues than he did.

Tim had suggested that Dick sensed Bruce was never completely honest with him, and that it affected him psychologically. Babs had said it was actually UST, and not daddy issues. Or, daddy issues AND UST.

It was probably all three.

“I think it’s because I told him I was gay. Or. Not gay. But. Not straight, either.”

Jason started hacking, and Dick frowned at him. His mouth thinned and his gaze sharpened, likely preparing to give Jason a sppech about the dangers of smoking, but Jason cut him off.

“How’d you even bring that up?” he croaked.

Dick turned red. “I… may have told him I wanted to date Batman?”

 

* * *

**FIVE.**

“Shit, I haven’t smoked in a month. I can’t believe I swallowed my cigarette. It tasted like ass.”

Tim was cackling in glee. It’d taken a month for Jason to actually tell him, since they weren’t exactly on speaking terms. But the hilarity of the situation made Jason suck it up enough to gossip to The Replacement.

“I can’t. It’s like… so much bad karma,” Tim wheezed. 

“He didn’t tell Dick for fifteen years, and now Dick wants to date his alter ego.”

Jason scoffed. “If that’s karma, I want me some of that.”

 

* * *

**+1.**

“Dick, it won’t work between us,” Bruce said, in Batman’s gravelly voice.

Dick… pouted up at him. It was the only way to describe it. Dick pouted at him. “Why not? We see each other nearly every day!”

“Because you keep getting kidnapped!”

“Right! So it’s not as if your work would get in the way. I’m practically your work already,” Dick said, and damn he almost sounded reasonable.

“… look, Dick. That’s not the only reason.”

Dick looked put out. “Then what other reason is there?”

Bruce had realised that Dick had needed to know a long time ago, but he wished he could do this under different circumstances. Maybe when he was dying of old age. Or bleeding out. Anything but this specific situation, really.

He slipped off his cowl and slowly turned around to face Dick. “Dick, it’s me.”

He expected shock, horror, anger, embarrassment. But Dick only looked unimpressed.

“Bruce, I’ve known it was you since I was twelve. If that’s your only excuse, you better come over here and kiss me right now.”

Shocked, Bruce could do nothing but obey.


End file.
